Immobility as a Means of Transportation

I just started reading Life of Pi. Pi speaks of a moment where we sees the Virgin Mary: "...I saw the Virgin Mary... She was wearing a white dress and a blue cloak; I remember being struck by their pleats and folds. When I say I saw her, I don't quite mean it literally, though she did have body and colour. I felt I saw her, a vision beyond vision. I stopped and squinted. She looked beautiful and supremely regal. She was smiling at me with loving kindess. After some seconds she left me. My heart beat with fear and joy. The presence of God is the finest of rewards." It's a beautiful moment, that comes after much religious thought and exploration. I couldn't help but think if someone told me this story I would doubt them. I would say it was something they made up or imagined. I would doubt whether they were all there perhaps. It's strange to feel so cynical. But I feel even my own spiritual experiences were born out of hope, out of the wanting to have spiritual experiences. I did have moments of intense spiritual comfort, which maybe I could attribute to some heavenly force. I think it's silly to completely deny that something greater than ourselves could exist. It seems right to think that there is a spiritual force linking all of us, providing some sort of reason and purpose to this life. But I also think it's silly to think that life could end and things would actually end. No conciousness, no after life, no judgement, no reward, nothing. It could happen. And because I think these two realities are possibilities, I've run everywhere and no where at the same time. One of Pi's role models is named Mr. Kumar who is an atheist, even though Pi himself is very religious. Pi says, "I felt a kinship with him. It was my first clue that atheists are my brothers and sisters of a different faith, and every word they speak speaks of faith. Like me, they go as far as the legs of reason will carry them--then they leap." Then Pi admits that it is agnostics that really bother him. He says that while doubt has its place, you doubt and then move on. "To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation." Is Pi, or Yann Martel, right in his assessment? Have I really chosen nothing at all? If I had to choose a side it would be a religious one. But doubt never seems to leave me. In fact it comforts me. Vulnerability is something I'm used to. It feels human. It feels honest. So I'll move on as if I've left my doubt behind, even though it's still beside me. It is faith that moves you forward and doubt that stops you. As Pi says, doubt has its place, but you do need to move on.